What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 01:46
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Would you date a Muslim guy? Why/why not?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
At what point did you realize it was the right time to leave your job?
What did i know ?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why do untreated borderlines always blame their partners when they actually think they are normal?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I said to her
USMNT, messy and meek, unravels quickly for its fourth straight defeat - The Washington Post
(And it was in our own minds.)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He resisted the act ,that day.
How do you know when someone really loves you?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He knew the spot.
My boyfriend won’t tell me his past and it hurts me so I broke up with him what do I do?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why do I want to suck cock, after smoking methamphetamine?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
It was going to be , some day.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I couldn’t, believe it.
What do feminists mean when they say they want to ‘normalize’ menstruation and its discussion?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
'Optical neural engine' can solve partial differential equations - Tech Xplore
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But, we were locked up after school.
But it wasn’t much.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
What is the dirtiest thing you have witnessed your wife do?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
What was the worst spanking you got growing up?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She wouldn,t have been !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
What should a young woman do to control sagging breasts?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was seconnd youngest,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Put me off passion for life!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I don,t even have a pension.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And i lived it daily.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She was in good health!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She married twice! .
I will be 64.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I waited trembling.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was very sick at this time too.
We all went to grammer schools
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
All the time i was locked up.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I have no regrets .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Was to survive, this bastard.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Ive learnt so much.
Im still living with it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was 9 years of age.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So whats the point in blame.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why did i forgive my father ?
I think the readers, may guess!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Who then, do I blame.?
She found it foreign!.
She loved him until the end.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was scared of men, in general
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
This is soul school!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One cannot live in the past .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So, i spoilt her more .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As i do to all so called friends.?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Would this be the day?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
When she asked me how she looked .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Comes on , in middle age.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I write beautiful poetry .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Especially a lifetime of it.
We were not on the streets..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My life is so biszare .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My family never makes their pension either.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!